Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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