So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
