just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
