Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I would fuck him just for his dog
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
