cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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