I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
