My first STD was from a foam party
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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