This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
