just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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