we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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