I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
