we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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