dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
