i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
