hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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