God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
