you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
