I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
