I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
