i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
