I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
So squirting runs in the family.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
