Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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