PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
