i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
