So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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