Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
