she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
