You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
