I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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