Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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