don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
you will always have a special place in my vag
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
