Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
