I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
