Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
