I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
