I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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