The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
