had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
