how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
