I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
