If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
