ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
