Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
