Pregnant stripper...not hot.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
