After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
it was like eating out sand paper
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
