Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i came on her dog
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
