I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
