dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
