Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
