Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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