I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
