My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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