Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
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