"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
