A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
