I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
