her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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